Over 40 Dating - Mid-life Cry Sis'

You're 40-something, intelligent, social, reasonably healthy and secure in who you are.

Whatever your circumstance, be it divorced, separated, widowed or just happier by yourself, we all get targeted by the media, and Hollywood's portrayal of what a 40-something woman should be.  I think one common misconception is that any woman over a certain age who is single, takes care of herself, is likely a cougar or a lesbian...Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Mostly heterosexual males opine this.  If you are indeed into younger men (and by younger, I mean 30s...maybe late 20s...legal), good for you!  Of course, (not) good if you're one of those young female teachers getting purvy with their underage students; don't get me started on the double-standard with that issue.

Personally, I prefer older men, but older by no more than about ten years my senior; not that I wouldn't consider a little older, but just to give a general age-bracket, let's go with ten years older than myself.  While I have dated only a couple of younger men...in their mid-thirties, while I was in my mid-forties, but always felt like it was part of some version of Mrs. Robinson and the Graduate fetish fantasy (for them).

What I attracted (I realize it was something I was doing wrong, but have no clue what it was?) however, was younger men excited more out of the novelty of someone who wasn't so insecure, and hung up on small talk in bed always begging to know "What are you thinking about?" Frankly, I never even asked that question in my younger days...I didn't CARE what he was thinking about!  Is that wrong?  Or, "Does this dress make me look fat?"  Again, a phrase I will NEVER speak, nor think, nor care about because I have enough confidence to not need other peoples' (be it men, women or other) opinion on how I look.

If you want to meet someone to share your life with, or just to have a steamy adventure with, there is online dating, if you're feeling unsuccessful in the world.  Also, there are alternatives to the online dating if that's not your idea of meeting people:

• Meetup.com (*No a dating site; a hub for meeting friends, doing activities, which also happens to have singles events, clubs, sports, etc.); choose your city, select a hobby or topic, hit 'Enter' and you're on your way!

• Nerdy Conventions:  ComicCon, CES (Consumer Electronics Show); If you love all things nerd: Geek Conventions 

• Dog parks (Great way to break the ice is to let Rover do it for you!)

• Museum singles nights

• Car shows  - I love classic cars and mostly men attend; it's fun to bring a girlfriend and check out cars and guys ;)  These usually happen during spring and summer, and you can Google your city's events calendar or chamber of commerce to find out where the next one is near you.

Some older men are more worldly than others...Some are young at heart, and some are still just as immature as they were at 20.  I enjoy a man who is confident, intelligent, has a sense of humor...a REAL sense of humor; sarcasm can be tiring, and is an incredible insecurity under the guise of supposed "humor"...to quote Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery..."That sort of thing ain't my bag...baby!"  Then, there are the ones who may just be worn out from a former marriage, having helped raise children, and they just want to have fun...their own way...their own time.  Can we blame them?

Now, some people will say that older women and younger men have a better connection....at least as lovers. This may be true in a complimentary way and can be lots of fun!  However, when you're not in bed (or, insert your choice location(s) for fun here), do you share other interests, discussions, values? Or, is this best kept as a temporary fling or does it evolve into something substantial?

Online dating is something after having tried various dating sites, at various times...I have given up on and realize that (for me), they are just fun for perusing the photos and reading the entertaining "truths" some of these guys tell about themselves.  To be fair, not everyone lies, but many do...including women.  I think we all have at least one friend or acquaintance whom swears by online dating and that they met their spouse or otherwise significant other this way, and are still very happy.

I just find it to be 'forced' and easier for people to be phony by being anonymous online. Those analytics can determine the best fit for me as a potential life partner, mate...I don't buy it. You can spend hours filling out questionnaires, taking compatibility quizzes and still wind up with a large percentage of creeps, scams, or just plainly people you have no interest in getting to know better.

To be honest, I have never gone out on any dates from this; phone calls and emails were as far as I went, but the last time I decided never to use one of these sites was after I realized the guy could find my city even though I put a different, though neighboring city in my profile.  This was a slimy dude (I realized once I spoke with him), who was obviously married.  He said he "just happened to be driving though" my neighborhood and wanted to see me; you guessed it...he wanted to make sure I looked like my photo!  So, I should walk out and do a spin on a catwalk so he could get a good look?!  NOT A CHANCE!

However, you can't blame someone for wondering about that since it's happened time and again to many people who meet their online romantic interest in person and find out it's either a totally different person or they used their college freshman photo.  But this guy was peeved at ME because I would not come out so he could 'get a look at the merchandise'.  He just wanted a quickie on his lunch.  That pretty much soured my experience.

I will admit that one considerably younger guy (from an online dating site), actually came right out and said that it would be fun to have a no-strings thing going.  While that's not at all what I was looking for, I did thank him for being frank about it, but declined.  If more people were open up front, it would save others a lot of time and heartache.  That being said, I think any mature, consenting adult has the right to decide if they want just a fling or something more.  I know some women that are more assertive in this area than I ever will be, and that's fine.  If we all had the same preferences, the world would be boring.

We struggle with double-standards all the time, and the older man, younger woman thing seems like a default in many relationships; older women should take pride in enjoying the company of a younger man if that's their thing.  Also, some older men are very fascinating and should not be over-looked so quickly!

The best thing we can do is choose someone on our own terms; not who others think we (should) be dating, but what feels right to us.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on dating!

Cats - The Great Communi(cat)ors

I don't own a pair of binoculars, but I've taken up "bird watching"...sort of.

The bird watching was something I fell into, and I have one friend (BFF) to blame...My cat!  Or, Best Feline Friend, is the friend responsible for me watching birds, more specifically, crows.

You see, in an effort to learn more about cats, and their instinctual survival habits, I started running to the window whenever I heard crows.  I initially did this, to alert her that there were these big, shiny, black birds flying about the nearby rooftops, so she could have some form of entertainment when I was away.

However, as I did this, I was actually watching both my cat, and the crows (and the random sparrows, and occasional doves).  Seeing her ears go flat, and to the side, and tail swishing about intently while hearing the crackling sound most cats make when they see birds [insert theory of what crackling means here], was fascinating!  I mean, in the wild, she would do this as a way to scope out and stalk prey...so she could eat and survive.

Sure, she's a domesticated animal that cuddles with me every night, greets me in a 'happy to see you, and please rub my belly' posture when I arrive home, but she is still part felis catus...my own personal mini panther; she is black.  She is beautiful.

Crows are many in my neighborhood.  Also (I hope), not many people's cats are allowed to roam outdoors, for many reasons (health concerns, cruel humans, cars, etc.).

I guess, in an effort to understand my cat, and better communicate with her (she already understands about 10+ words...yes, some of those are names of food), I think getting to really understand her nature is a good place to start.

One thing she is great for, is catching (and eating) bugs in the apartment!  Admittedly, many bugs scare the living @#!$%?! out of me!  When I notice a moth, silverfish, or other entomological critter invading our home, and she isn't in the room...I call her name and (are you sitting down?), she comes running in.  Yes. My cat knows her name, and usually comes when I call her; it may be because I don't just call her to amuse and entertain those other humans who don't believe me.  I only call her with a specific purpose...like saving "mommy" from the frightening, yucky bug!

If I see a bug, and make a motion like I am 'pawing' at something, she will run over to investigate; same with running to the window and staring out.  This is something cats who live in a clowder do.  If one is hunting, the others want in on the action too.

I do have to confess to something...I once brought out a little, plastic step stool...to aid her in reaching a moth in the hallway.  Is that the same as being an accomplice?

Why do I kind of get a hint of adrenaline when I hear crowing or chirping?  Your guess is as good as mine.  I'm a human, not a cat.  I think it's more that I am glad that my indoor-only kitty can still keep some of her wild instinct and live in harmony in our little abode.

Now, if you've got a cat(s) sharing your home, you don't have to search for bugs or even stare at birds in the garden if you want to be closer to your feline friend's natural self.  You may simply communicate the same way she/he does.

If your cat gives you the ever-respectful and loving gesture of the head-bunt, do it back.  Heard of the 'slow blink'?  This is like saying "I love you." to your kitty; presumably, the mother cat does it to her kittens.  Trust me, you would much rather slow-blink with your cat then have to bathe her like a mamma cat!

She also never fails to turn on the purrrrs while pawing gently on my face to wake me up for the breakfast feeding time.  If I ignore that (out of just being too tired to drag myself out of bed), then the most precious little meows begin.  Should I not respond to THOSE, then the meow yelling will ensue shortly thereafter.  If you have a cat, you know what 'meow yelling' is.  The cat thinks if she meows LOUDER, maybe she'll get her point across...much like some people who attempt at yelling to either a non-native language speaker or to a hearing-impaired person (they never get that isn't working).

Communication joined with enough play-time (especially at least 20-30 minutes play time for indoor kitties), helps build a strong human/kitty bond.  Some excellent interactive (meaning, you playing with the cat, not turning a device on and leaving the cat with a toy) cat toys:

Go-Cat Teaser Cat Catcher Wand Toy
Kragon Fly (Neoflies)
Jackson Galaxy Ground Prey Wand *(Money goes to cat charities)
Catnip Kicker Toy
Da Bird Feather Teaser

An excellent resource on all things cat:  Jackson Galaxy, Cat Behaviorist (aka, Cat Daddy from Animal Planet's My Cat From Hell series).  Jackson is truly gifted and gives great advice on everything you could possibly think of.  A cool, hot guy who's in a band and not only loves cats, but knows them better than anyone...HOT!!!

How do you communicate with your kitties (or doggies) ? :)

Job Description Buzzwords....I'd Like to Take a Buzzsaw To

If you've been looking for a new career whether your first time, or your fourth time, you have most likely come across a few of these highly over-used 'Buzzwords' which with many employers and recruiters pepper their online job ads.

There seems to be a lack of originality for job descriptions in that there are a couple variations of any given job description that many recruiters and employers desperately inhale, slightly tweak, and regurgitate for their own immediate roles.

Heck, I think at this point, even the word, 'Buzzword' is one in and of itself! ;)

Here are just a few of my "favorites" mostly seen for administrative job ads; these make me cringe:

• Hit the ground running = "We're so behind in work, and need you to catch us up!"

• Wear many hats = "You'll be doing the work of four people...but only getting paid as one!"

• Stakeholders = "Anyone you work with here is highly important...don't !@#$% up!"

• Juggle multiple tasks without dropping one = "We expect you to do many things that the human brain is actually not capable of doing efficiently."

• Grace under pressure = "You must never stop smiling, no matter how much we throw at you."

• Be able to work autonomously = "Good luck getting training or direction."

• Ever-changing priorities = "We are disorganized, chaotic and didn't define your role clearly."

• No task too big or too small = "You'll be either over-extended or given degrading, menial tasks no one else has time for."

There are so many more, but I'd love to hear your "favorites"! ;)

"Schneider" ("One Day at a Time")... One Little Girl's Idol

Growing up as the youngest child, with the next oldest seven years my senior, I spent a lot of time changing my mind about whom and what I wanted to be or be like, when I grew up.  Nope.  Still kind of stuck on that one.

When I was short and skinny, I dreamed of being a jockey for the derby; the jockeys were all slight-built, so I figured I could do it, and I would get to be around horses...who wouldn't want that?!

Of course, growing up during the 70s, how could any little girl NOT want to be The Bionic Woman?  I had her tin lunch box, and I used to jump off the couch (while making that bionic sound); this and of course Wonder Woman!  I can think of many a bad guy I'd now like to 'magically' lasso.

Being the annoying, bratty little suster, walking around with folded arms, sharply (almost causing whiplash!) and blinking my eyes as hard as I could, but my big sister never turned into a hamster.  No matter how tightly I blinked...she was still my big sis. 😉 I Dream of Jeannie. Had that metal lunch box too.  Yep.

I never went through a princess phase.  I went through a 'royalty' phase.  I absolutely adored anything I could have that made me look like a royal queen...though, I ended being a royal pain in the ass to my parents.

Eventually, my Mom finally caved, and gave me one of her bathrobes that was some combination of crushed red velvet and satin (I think??).  It took a couple years of begging for a beautiful, velvety, shiny (but of course, cardboard) crown sold at a King Norman's Toys.  I eventually realized I was, but a peasant, and moved on.

Then, there was a phase I went through that was not so gender-accepted.  To give you a quick background, I used to watch a lot of television...too much.  It was, as I only realized decades later, my way of coping with our family's brand of dysfunction.  No one was yelling and fighting while we watched TV; everyone got along then.

One Day at a Time was an American sitcom about a divorcee raising two daughters (teen and pre-teen) on her own. It was ground-breaking in that divorce was not often shown on TV.  This family lived in an apartment building, and had a cast of characters, but I really seemed to admire the character called "Schneider" (aka, "Dwayne Schneider" portrayed by Pat Harrington, Jr.), the building's superintendent; he visited regularly and kind of watched over Ms. Romano (Bonnie Franklin), and her two daughters (McKenzie Phillips "Julie" and Valerie Bertinelli "Barbara").

He always (seemed) to wear the same outfit: white t-shirt underneath a casual, leather vest, painter's blue jeans and, the piece de resistance....THE TOOL BELT!  This was necessary, regulation equipment you see, for his chosen profession as a superintendent.  This may be a thing of the 70s, but he was always chewing gum.  I also noticed this with a lot of the male cast members, and some of the women.

WARNING!  TANGENT: Now that I think about it, the 70s and 80s was a gum-chewing time.  There was even a cute, but pointless little invention called a 'Gum Parker'...you guessed it! It was for placing your ABC (Already Been Chewed) gum in case you needed a break to eat or something, then you could get the air-solidified gum out of the holder and continue chewing it.

Now, back to "Schneider".  I thought he was the coolest grown-up ever!  He could fix anything just by walking around, using tools from he belt!  He chewed gum.  And, he was protective, (but never in a creepy way) of a single mother and her two kids...what's not to like?  He really was like a foreshadowing, in a cooler, unintentional sense, of a Dr. Phil...with hair!

One day, I remember my brother was probably passed out cold asleep, and my Mom was visiting the next door neighbor...at a safe distance away, and I doubt I was 10 yet, but not too young to be unsupervised for a short amount of time.

I snuck into my parent's room, and borrowed one of my Dad's white t-shirts (looked like a nightgown on my tiny frame). Then, I created a makeshift tool belt with a regular, brown belt, and used some tools from my Mom's tool box....yes, my Mom had/has a tool box...you gotta love a woman who has these items of self-sufficiency!

After popping a piece or two, of Fruit Stripe chewing gum into my mouth, I went about my way, attempting to fix things, tinkering around; maybe there was symbolism that I was unaware of...trying to fix my family?? Who knows?  I did enjoy attempting (pretending?) to repair things, whether they needed it or not.  It was just a lot of fun to emulate "Schneider"...for some reason?

A kudos for my sister for letting my niece (this was years later) dress as Superman for Halloween!  I remember her parents asked her if she wanted to be Supergirl or Wonder Woman....NOPE!  She insisted on SuperMAN!  (By the way, I am a huge Superman fan, so I was so proud of her!).  They let her do it, and it was adorable.

I think it's been shown to be easier for girls regarding the non-traditional stereo-types, whether for Halloween costumes or just wanting to dress a certain way or liking certain toys.  Unfortunately, boys seem to be often chided for making non-traditional gender choices. My hope is that people are realizing, and accepting that both boys and girls should be allowed to just be who they are (inside), without fear of what society would say.  People are going to judge no matter what we do so we might as well enjoy life regardless of the judges, as long as we do not intentionally set out to harm anyone, and know we are being true to ourselves and our children.

I would love to hear your anecdotes on people (real or celebrities) whom you may have idolized when you were a child; gender not important!

Where Can I Buy Sheldon's Bus Pants?

I have been without a car since early in 2008.  This means I often need to map out my commute to work, or just to meet up with friends somewhere.

Actually, I only mildly miss having a car.  What I do not miss, are gas prices that seem to fall less often than they climb (the opposite of me on a rock wall), auto insurance rates, and the biggie...PARKING!  

Okay, the parking thing used to be more of a 'City thing' ('The City' is a nickname Bay Area locals have for San Francisco), but it has spread to the Peninsula areas as well. I'm waiting for someone to do a parody of Jurassic Park, but about SF..."NO PLACE to Park"...with incredibly frightening dinosaurs, and cars...uh...never mind. 

Aaannyyywaaay...(my Mom uses this word, when she wants to be "subtle" and change the subject of conversation), I do have a bike, which I love, but it's not always convenient or possible to ride it everywhere I want/need to go, so I must ride Caltrain (which has many delays, and I wish went to more places).

Let's start off with MUNI (San Francisco Municipal Railway) - more specifically, the Muni bus lines; they also have a Metro Muni light rail system.

If you're lucky, you get a seat...although, sometimes getting a seat is unlucky, like when you can feel something damp that you swear was not there before you sat down.  My suggestion:  keep one of those free newspapers with you while riding public transit...it might help...CYA, so-to-speak.

Sometimes, it's a sticky floor that will make you feel as if a tentacle of chewed gum is trying to hold you prisoner on the bus when your stop comes up.  

When you cannot get a seat, as is usually the case, depending on the time of day or night, and the route, please do heed the announcement:  "Please Hold On!"  Sometimes, the buses are so jam-packed, that if the driver needs to suddenly stop, you go flying into other people that kind of topple like smelly human bowling pins; but there is a huge elderly population in the city, so it's best to hold on, so you don't inadvertently send them to the hospital.

Watch out when exiting through the rear door of the bus!  Firstly, there are some drivers that are so agro about enforcing this, they practically physically force you to use the rear exit door.  Secondly, be aware that a lot of people enter via the back door.  There used to be a fare evasion syndrome, so Clipper Card (transit link cards) readers were installed there so the honest people could tag on their cards.  Don't get me started on my Clipper Card rant.  *Sigh*

Be mindful of your personal belongings:  Wallet and phone, tablet, other devices.  Better yet, keep them tucked away somewhere safe (as a drag queen might offer that advice, but that's another blog...I do love me some drag queens), since these days, the punks will snag it right out of your hand...and sometimes they're violent in doing so!  Not worth it.  

Also, know that you may be groped...either intentionally or if someone is not holding on to the rail or hand strap while the bus is in motion.  Once determined if accidental or not, act accordingly.

You may encounter some random olfactory offensiveness such as urine, B.O., vomit, flatulence, and other "favorite" fragrances. If you've ever ridden on certain MUNI lines, like the #22 or the #38 (at certain times of day), you know what I'm talking about.  Who am I kidding...stuff can happen on pretty much ANY of the transit lines.  You know that bodily fluids of all varieties may just be sprinkled about the bus, tram, train, etc. This is where Dr. Sheldon Cooper's 'Bus Pants' would really come in handy; perhaps a mini black light...but then you wouldn't want to sit anywhere ever again.

At least Muni is not one of the transit agencies with fabric seats. They have the kind that can at least be hosed down with Lysol.  I will give them that. However, many bus lines like SamTrans, and some of Caltrain us those fabric seats!  

Let's not forget it is San Francisco, and there likely will be a buck naked (plug for George Costanza's porn name) guy on the bus.  Many times, the naked guy is not someone you want to see naked.  Remember the Seinfeld episode where there was a naked guy on the subway car, and Jerry tried to understand the naked guy's logic, and then you see Elaine, and get to hear her thoughts as she freaks out.  Me.  Me when PMSing, but me ;)

Riding public transit is almost like being in an airport on wheels; sometimes you're there for a long time, and you're either bored, mildly entertained or annoyed, but there are always people to watch...just don't gawk, and you'll be okay.

For your viewing/listening pleasure,  Weird Al: Another One Rides the Bus

Do you have any creepy, unusual, funny or perhaps, wonderful stories about public transit?  Leave them in the comments!

Thanks for visiting!