Where Can I Buy Sheldon's Bus Pants?

I have been without a car since early in 2008.  This means I often need to map out my commute to work, or just to meet up with friends somewhere.

Actually, I only mildly miss having a car.  What I do not miss, are gas prices that seem to fall less often than they climb (the opposite of me on a rock wall), auto insurance rates, and the biggie...PARKING!  

Okay, the parking thing used to be more of a 'City thing' ('The City' is a nickname Bay Area locals have for San Francisco), but it has spread to the Peninsula areas as well. I'm waiting for someone to do a parody of Jurassic Park, but about SF..."NO PLACE to Park"...with incredibly frightening dinosaurs, and cars...uh...never mind. 

Aaannyyywaaay...(my Mom uses this word, when she wants to be "subtle" and change the subject of conversation), I do have a bike, which I love, but it's not always convenient or possible to ride it everywhere I want/need to go, so I must ride Caltrain (which has many delays, and I wish went to more places).

Let's start off with MUNI (San Francisco Municipal Railway) - more specifically, the Muni bus lines; they also have a Metro Muni light rail system.

If you're lucky, you get a seat...although, sometimes getting a seat is unlucky, like when you can feel something damp that you swear was not there before you sat down.  My suggestion:  keep one of those free newspapers with you while riding public transit...it might help...CYA, so-to-speak.

Sometimes, it's a sticky floor that will make you feel as if a tentacle of chewed gum is trying to hold you prisoner on the bus when your stop comes up.  

When you cannot get a seat, as is usually the case, depending on the time of day or night, and the route, please do heed the announcement:  "Please Hold On!"  Sometimes, the buses are so jam-packed, that if the driver needs to suddenly stop, you go flying into other people that kind of topple like smelly human bowling pins; but there is a huge elderly population in the city, so it's best to hold on, so you don't inadvertently send them to the hospital.

Watch out when exiting through the rear door of the bus!  Firstly, there are some drivers that are so agro about enforcing this, they practically physically force you to use the rear exit door.  Secondly, be aware that a lot of people enter via the back door.  There used to be a fare evasion syndrome, so Clipper Card (transit link cards) readers were installed there so the honest people could tag on their cards.  Don't get me started on my Clipper Card rant.  *Sigh*

Be mindful of your personal belongings:  Wallet and phone, tablet, other devices.  Better yet, keep them tucked away somewhere safe (as a drag queen might offer that advice, but that's another blog...I do love me some drag queens), since these days, the punks will snag it right out of your hand...and sometimes they're violent in doing so!  Not worth it.  

Also, know that you may be groped...either intentionally or if someone is not holding on to the rail or hand strap while the bus is in motion.  Once determined if accidental or not, act accordingly.

You may encounter some random olfactory offensiveness such as urine, B.O., vomit, flatulence, and other "favorite" fragrances. If you've ever ridden on certain MUNI lines, like the #22 or the #38 (at certain times of day), you know what I'm talking about.  Who am I kidding...stuff can happen on pretty much ANY of the transit lines.  You know that bodily fluids of all varieties may just be sprinkled about the bus, tram, train, etc. This is where Dr. Sheldon Cooper's 'Bus Pants' would really come in handy; perhaps a mini black light...but then you wouldn't want to sit anywhere ever again.

At least Muni is not one of the transit agencies with fabric seats. They have the kind that can at least be hosed down with Lysol.  I will give them that. However, many bus lines like SamTrans, and some of Caltrain us those fabric seats!  

Let's not forget it is San Francisco, and there likely will be a buck naked (plug for George Costanza's porn name) guy on the bus.  Many times, the naked guy is not someone you want to see naked.  Remember the Seinfeld episode where there was a naked guy on the subway car, and Jerry tried to understand the naked guy's logic, and then you see Elaine, and get to hear her thoughts as she freaks out.  Me.  Me when PMSing, but me ;)

Riding public transit is almost like being in an airport on wheels; sometimes you're there for a long time, and you're either bored, mildly entertained or annoyed, but there are always people to watch...just don't gawk, and you'll be okay.

For your viewing/listening pleasure,  Weird Al: Another One Rides the Bus

Do you have any creepy, unusual, funny or perhaps, wonderful stories about public transit?  Leave them in the comments!

Thanks for visiting!