Whatever your circumstance, be it divorced, separated, widowed or just happier by yourself, we all get targeted by the media, and Hollywood's portrayal of what a 40-something woman should be. I think one common misconception is that any woman over a certain age who is single, takes care of herself, is likely a cougar or a lesbian...Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Mostly heterosexual males opine this. If you are indeed into younger men (and by younger, I mean 30s...maybe late 20s...legal), good for you! Of course, (not) good if you're one of those young female teachers getting purvy with their underage students; don't get me started on the double-standard with that issue.
Personally, I prefer older men, but older by no more than about ten years my senior; not that I wouldn't consider a little older, but just to give a general age-bracket, let's go with ten years older than myself. While I have dated only a couple of younger men...in their mid-thirties, while I was in my mid-forties, but always felt like it was part of some version of Mrs. Robinson and the Graduate fetish fantasy (for them).
What I attracted (I realize it was something I was doing wrong, but have no clue what it was?) however, was younger men excited more out of the novelty of someone who wasn't so insecure, and hung up on small talk in bed always begging to know "What are you thinking about?" Frankly, I never even asked that question in my younger days...I didn't CARE what he was thinking about! Is that wrong? Or, "Does this dress make me look fat?" Again, a phrase I will NEVER speak, nor think, nor care about because I have enough confidence to not need other peoples' (be it men, women or other) opinion on how I look.
If you want to meet someone to share your life with, or just to have a steamy adventure with, there is online dating, if you're feeling unsuccessful in the world. Also, there are alternatives to the online dating if that's not your idea of meeting people:
- Meetup.com (*No a dating site; a hub for meeting friends, doing activities, which also happens to have singles events, clubs, sports, etc.); choose your city, select a hobby or topic, hit 'Enter' and you're on your way!
- Nerdy Conventions: ComicCon, CES (Consumer Electronics Show); If you love all things nerd: Geek Conventions
- Dog parks (Great way to break the ice is to let Rover do it for you!)
- Museum singles nights
- Car shows - I love classic cars and mostly men attend; it's fun to bring a girlfriend and check out cars and guys ;) These usually happen during spring and summer, and you can Google your city's events calendar or chamber of commerce to find out where the next one is near you.
Now, some people will say that older women and younger men have a better connection....at least as lovers. This may be true in a complimentary way and can be lots of fun! However, when you're not in bed (or, insert your choice location(s) for fun here), do you share other interests, discussions, values? Or, is this best kept as a temporary fling or does it evolve into something substantial?
Online dating is something after having tried various dating sites, at various times...I have given up on and realize that (for me), they are just fun for perusing the photos and reading the entertaining "truths" some of these guys tell about themselves. To be fair, not everyone lies, but many do...including women. I think we all have at least one friend or acquaintance whom swears by online dating and that they met their spouse or otherwise significant other this way, and are still very happy.
I just find it to be 'forced' and easier for people to be phony by being anonymous online. Those analytics can determine the best fit for me as a potential life partner, mate...I don't buy it. You can spend hours filling out questionnaires, taking compatibility quizzes and still wind up with a large percentage of creeps, scams, or just plainly people you have no interest in getting to know better.
To be honest, I have never gone out on any dates from this; phone calls and emails were as far as I went, but the last time I decided never to use one of these sites was after I realized the guy could find my city even though I put a different, though neighboring city in my profile. This was a slimy dude (I realized once I spoke with him), who was obviously married. He said he "just happened to be driving though" my neighborhood and wanted to see me; you guessed it...he wanted to make sure I looked like my photo! So, I should walk out and do a spin on a catwalk so he could get a good look?! NOT A CHANCE!
However, you can't blame someone for wondering about that since it's happened time and again to many people who meet their online romantic interest in person and find out it's either a totally different person or they used their college freshman photo. But this guy was peeved at ME because I would not come out so he could 'get a look at the merchandise'. He just wanted a quickie on his lunch. That pretty much soured my experience.
I will admit that one considerably younger guy (from an online dating site), actually came right out and said that it would be fun to have a no-strings thing going. While that's not at all what I was looking for, I did thank him for being frank about it, but declined. If more people were open up front, it would save others a lot of time and heartache. That being said, I think any mature, consenting adult has the right to decide if they want just a fling or something more. I know some women that are more assertive in this area than I ever will be, and that's fine. If we all had the same preferences, the world would be boring.
We struggle with double-standards all the time, and the older man, younger woman thing seems like a default in many relationships; older women should take pride in enjoying the company of a younger man if that's their thing. Also, some older men are very fascinating and should not be over-looked so quickly!
The best thing we can do is choose someone on our own terms; not who others think we (should) be dating, but what feels right to us.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on dating!
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